Dr.’s quotes

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Subject: Fw: Dr's Quotes 
>> 
>> Medical Examinations 
>> 
>> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her 
>> baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the 
>> lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed 
>> that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one. 
>> 
>> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an 
>> elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 
>> "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the 
>> patient. 
>> 
>> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife 
>> that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more 
>> than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family 
>> that he had died of a "massive internal fart." 
>> 
>> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his 
>> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble 
>> with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. 
>> The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now 
>> I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and 
>> discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. 
>> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! 
>> 
>> Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before 
>> applying a new one. 
>> 
>> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 
>> "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete 
>> confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - 
>> when my husband was alive." 
>> 
>> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast 
>> this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't 
>> seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked 
>> to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." 
>> 
>> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman 
>> with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of 
>> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined 
>> that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for 
>> immediate 
>> surgery. 
>> When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff 
>> noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a 
>> tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." 
>> 
>> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the 
>> patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." 
>> 
>> Submitted by RN no name 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> AND FINALLY!!!................ 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite 
>> embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover 
>> my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. 
>> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly 
>> burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my 
>> work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. 
>> Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were 
>> whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener". 
>> 
>> Dr. wouldn't submit his name. 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>

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deaddog Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Administrator AKA The Flying Gun Joined: 23 April 2004 Location: Svalbard Status: Offline Points: 991201	Post Options Post Reply Quote deaddog Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Dr.’s quotes Posted: 11 December 2006 at 12:41
	Subject: Fw: Dr's Quotes >> >> Medical Examinations >> >> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her >> baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the >> lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed >> that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one. >> >> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX >> >> >> >> 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an >> elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. >> "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the >> patient. >> >> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA >> >> >> >> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife >> that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more >> than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family >> that he had died of a "massive internal fart." >> >> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada >> >> >> >> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his >> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble >> with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. >> The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now >> I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and >> discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. >> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! >> >> Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before >> applying a new one. >> >> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA >> >> >> >> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, >> "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete >> confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - >> when my husband was alive." >> >> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR >> >> >> >> 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast >> this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't >> seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked >> to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." >> >> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI >> >> >> >> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman >> with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of >> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined >> that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for >> immediate >> surgery. >> When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff >> noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a >> tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." >> >> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the >> patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." >> >> Submitted by RN no name >> >> >> >> AND FINALLY!!!................ >> >> >> >> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite >> embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover >> my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. >> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly >> burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my >> work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. >> Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were >> whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener". >> >> Dr. wouldn't submit his name. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>
	Endeavor to persevere.