ponderisms

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   PONDERISMS

*  I USED TO EAT A LOT OF NATURAL FOODS UNTIL I LEARNED THAT MOS T PEOPLE DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES.

* THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEDESTRIANS:  THE QUICK AND THE DEAD.

* LIFE IS SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED.

* HEALTHY IS MERELY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE RATE AT WHICH ONE CAN DIE.

* THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RUT AND A GRAVE IS THE D EPTH.

* HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY, LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING.

* HAVE YOU NOTICED SINCE EVERYONE HAS A CAMCORDER THESE DAYS NOT ONE TALKS ABOUT SEEING UFO’S LIKE THEY USED TO?

* WHENEVER I FEEL BLUE, I START BREATHING AGAIN.

* ALL OF US COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM THE WEATHER.  IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO CRITICISM.

* IN THE 60’S, PEOPLE TOOK ACID TO MAKE THE WORLD WEIRD.  NOW THE WORLD IS WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC TO MAKE IT NORMAL.

* HOW IS IT ONE CARELESS MATCH CAN START A FOREST FIRE, BUT IT20TAKES A WHOLE BOX TO START A CAMPFIRE?

* WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO LOOK AT A COW AND SAY, “I THINK I’LL SQUEEZE THESE DANGLY THINGS AND DRINK WHATEVER COMES OUT.” ?

* IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A SONG ABOUT HIM?

* IF QUIZZES ARE QUIZZICAL, WHAT ARE TESTS?

* IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, THEN WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?

* DO ILLITERATE PEOPLE GET THE FULL EFFECT OF ALPHABET SOUP?

* DOES PUSHING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE MAKE IT ARRIVE FASTER?

* WHY DOESN’T GLUE STICK INSIDE OF THE BOTTLE?

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GOT14U Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List .30/06 SpringField Joined: 12 July 2009 Location: Iceland Status: Offline Points: 297	Post Options Post Reply Quote GOT14U Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: ponderisms Posted: 02 October 2009 at 08:09
	PONDERISMS * I USED TO EAT A LOT OF NATURAL FOODS UNTIL I LEARNED THAT MOS T PEOPLE DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES. * THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF PEDESTRIANS: THE QUICK AND THE DEAD. * LIFE IS SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED. * HEALTHY IS MERELY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE RATE AT WHICH ONE CAN DIE. * THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A RUT AND A GRAVE IS THE D EPTH. * HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY, LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING. * HAVE YOU NOTICED SINCE EVERYONE HAS A CAMCORDER THESE DAYS NOT ONE TALKS ABOUT SEEING UFO’S LIKE THEY USED TO? * WHENEVER I FEEL BLUE, I START BREATHING AGAIN. * ALL OF US COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM THE WEATHER. IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO CRITICISM. * IN THE 60’S, PEOPLE TOOK ACID TO MAKE THE WORLD WEIRD. NOW THE WORLD IS WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC TO MAKE IT NORMAL. * HOW IS IT ONE CARELESS MATCH CAN START A FOREST FIRE, BUT IT20TAKES A WHOLE BOX TO START A CAMPFIRE? * WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO LOOK AT A COW AND SAY, “I THINK I’LL SQUEEZE THESE DANGLY THINGS AND DRINK WHATEVER COMES OUT.” ? * IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A SONG ABOUT HIM? * IF QUIZZES ARE QUIZZICAL, WHAT ARE TESTS? * IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, THEN WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM? * DO ILLITERATE PEOPLE GET THE FULL EFFECT OF ALPHABET SOUP? * DOES PUSHING THE ELEVATOR BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE MAKE IT ARRIVE FASTER? * WHY DOESN’T GLUE STICK INSIDE OF THE BOTTLE?

Guests Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest	Post Options Post Reply Quote Guests Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 October 2009 at 21:07
	Interesting: "HAVE YOU NOTICED SINCE EVERYONE HAS A CAMCORDER THESE DAYS NOT ONE TALKS ABOUT SEEING UFO’S LIKE THEY USED TO?" This is right, with cell phone cameras and all the small video recorders the UFO sightings have disappeared. Do you think those people were just making that sh1t up??????

Rockydog Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Administrator Joined: 13 June 2003 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 3191	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rockydog Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 October 2009 at 21:16
	I suspect that the reporting of UFOs has declined along with the use of "recreational mushroom" consumption. RD
	When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. Thomas Jefferson

GOT14U Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List .30/06 SpringField Joined: 12 July 2009 Location: Iceland Status: Offline Points: 297	Post Options Post Reply Quote GOT14U Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 October 2009 at 21:18
	It does make you "ponder"...lol

CB900F Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Administrator Honor, Integrity Joined: 10 June 2003 Location: Eritrea Status: Offline Points: 8857	Post Options Post Reply Quote CB900F Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 October 2009 at 22:44
	Fella's; Actually, the heyday of UFO reports preceded the psychodelic 60's by about a decade. 900F
	Birth certificate!? He don't need no steenkink birth certificate!!

Guests Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Guest	Post Options Post Reply Quote Guests Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 October 2009 at 22:50
	Actually, I thought the start of it was post WW-2 with TV programs and cheap drive-in Sci-fi movies. People in the back seat of the drive-ins didn't watch the movies, but it subliminally entered their minds....maybe the smoke of the late '70s added to it.

Montana Maddnes Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List .416 Rigby AKA Scooter Joined: 19 November 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1799	Post Options Post Reply Quote Montana Maddnes Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 October 2009 at 06:43

	Montana Maddness God Bless The U.S.A. On the Highways for Jesus!